I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
