My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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