i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
