The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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