tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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