so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
