I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
