i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
