and you said cock pushups were impossible
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
