you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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