I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
