I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
This house was built for laser tag.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
