I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
