Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
