just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
