it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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