yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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