I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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