your parents love me but you hate me
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
