im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize