Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize