I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
