I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Everyone says I win the strip club
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
