Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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