i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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