so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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