I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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