I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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