no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
