You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
