last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize