You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
