hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Drunk is a universal language darling
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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