Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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