I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
