I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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