my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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