her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
