dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
