Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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