i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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