TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
