Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
