I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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