Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
so much tequila, so little girl.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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