I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
