I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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