He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
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she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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