Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
