im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
