After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
