She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
