You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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