I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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