So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
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fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
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