She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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