So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
