just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
being pregnant is like rehab
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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