Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
