My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
