Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
